Dreams Deferred & Hope Awaits

Related to Vulnerability and Storytelling

Harlem

By Langston Hughes

What happens to a dream deferred?

      Does it dry up

      like a raisin in the sun?

      Or fester like a sore—

      And then run?

      Does it stink like rotten meat?

      Or crust and sugar over—

      like a syrupy sweet?

      Maybe it just sags

      like a heavy load.

      Or does it explode?

Copyright Credit: Langston Hughes, "Harlem" from The Collected Works of Langston Hughes. Copyright © 2002 by Langston Hughes. Reprinted by permission of Harold Ober Associates, Inc.

Source: The Collected Works of Langston Hughes (University of Missouri Press (BkMk Press), 2002)

Dreams

One or the most meaningful poems I've read is by Langston Hughes. I was a teenager when I fell in love with poetry. I found myself feeling heavy and confused when I first read these words. I sat with a sense of hopelessness because I wanted to know what comes next. I wanted something definitive. I was wanting to know what would happen to all my dreams deferred.

As a young girl, I was keen to many of the complexities of life that differed from what dreams and fantasies I had. Despite having a vivid imagination, motivation to work towards anything I felt drawn to and an enduring curiosity; I quickly learned that it may not be enough.

When I think of my dreams now, as a 27 year old, I tend to categorize them. Category 1 being my wishes. These wishes are the closes things to what I consider fairytales-- out of reach. Category 2 is made up of more practical ideas and goals such as achieving things that I have the most influence over (or so I'd like to think).

Hope

Recently, I've noticed that I am dreaming again. I have hopes. I have desires. I consider this a result of slowly emerging from survival mode after a prolonged exposure to trauma. One of the challenges to having hope is navigating how to find balance. My mind goes something like this: It is okay to desire ____. It is okay to want these things. But let go. Let things happen. But don't forget to manifest and believe things that are meant for you will find you, but also, detach yourself from the outcomes so that you don't let yourself down.

So, I find it easier to dream. Just dream. As I write this, I realize that in this stage of life my dreams have done everything Langston described. It hasn't been one or the other or one more than another. My dreams have taken several states of being. Some of my earliest dreams have come to me again. In all honesty, it seems that some of these dreams deferred do in fact stink like rotten meat in that I am constantly reminded by a putrid reality that is the absence of my desires. At the same time I notice that others do tend to fester in my mind.

I believe that my dreams have been with me. The absence of fruition doesn't mean the dream ceases to exist. Maybe the crux of dreams deferred isn't the absence of an outcome, but the process of them evolving. It prompts you to grapple how the deferred dream's state of being is impacting your life. At times it may feel like a heavy load and it may even explode, but alas it exists.